Breaking The Dress Code

Wordless Wednesday – Sisters Watching TV

A Camera of One’s Own

Since I purchased my first digital camera in 1999 I’ve taken over 20,000 pictures. My oldest child is in over 8,500 of those pictures. I know this because Flickr keeps count for me.

Her very first moments on this earth.

Every major baby milestone.

First day of school.

Moments of rest.

You name it, I’ve got it “on film.”  Her whole life in pictures. Her story told in the captures of moments in time.

Except that there’s starting to be a problem. She’s growing up. She’s walking away.

This is a good thing, I know that. I encourage it! I’m the one yelling “YES” at the radio when Ayelet Waldman told Terri Gross. “I’m terrified by the idea of a world governed by these people who’ve never had to govern themselves”, when talking about over-parented children who never do anything or go anywhere without adult supervision. I believe in Free Range Children

I believe it is essential to her development, her character and her independence that she go away, without me, and learn about her world – that she explores, and imagines, and learns to get along – with me.

My problem is this: There are starting to be holes in the story. Un-illustrated pages in the book of her life. Because I’m not there (and I shouldn’t be) to take a picture of it.

I want to put on a trench coat and sneak behind her jumping behind trees and bushes like some kind of crazy cartoon spy. Not because I don’t trust her or I’m worried. But because I want to take pictures!!

We went on vacation last week to our annual Not-Blogher trip to the mountains. It was perfect but I have so many pictures like this now.

“Bye Honey! Enjoy the creek! Come back by dinner time”

… take the camera…. I think inside my head knowing I’d never let her take my Nikon with her.

I mean I trust her with her own safety and all .. but not the safety of The Precious!!! Let’s get real.

So I’m not sure what there is left to do but maybe this…

A camera of her own.

I’m getting jazzed about this idea. A camera of her own. Nothing too expensive. This one is cheaper than her DS. It’s got good ratings. Seems easy to use.

Then she can bring me pictures and I can see what happens after the screen door slaps shut. I can fill in the gaps that are naturally a part of her growing up. She can look back and remember the first time she did this or that without me. And smile. And hopefully be happy she has a Mama who believed in documenting AND in letting go.

A camera of one’s own .. to make both mother and daughter happy and healthy .. cheers to  you Virginia Wolf, your lessons hold true even in a digital age.

Childhood Perfected – May They Always Believe in the Magic of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell

Despite the fits the 4 year old still occasionally pitches and the snarky eye-rolls that I’m starting to get from the 7 year old – I know I’m doing okay as a mom when I look out my windows and see this in my backyard. As long as they still believe in the magic of Peter and Tinc we’ll all be okay.

	Tinkerbell is trapped on Captain Hook’s ship
	Peter hears her cries for help
	And heads to rescue her
	Don’t worry Tink I’ll save you!
	And off they fly
	Back to Peter’s secret hid out to exam Captain Hooks map and take his treasure
	Or maybe just lay in the grass and day dream a while

Clearly She’s An Artist Genius

Even if I weren’t her mom I’d be impressed with this painting my 1st grader brought home from art class this week. Seriously. I’ll grant her the fact that she’s been influenced by several other works (purchased for several hundred dollars …) that are similar in style and hang in our house but seriously.. the use of color, the composition … for a 7 year old in a public school art class … Awesome!

Is it just me? …

I should probably start this by explaining that my 7 year old has a DS. She begged for it for her birthday and we got a red one for her. Six months later I’m happy to know that for her, it was/is more of a status symbol than an obsession. She wanted one because everyone else has one but she has about 10 minutes of interest in it and then throws it down to run off and play. This makes me happy.

I should also mention that I tend to be pretty free range with my kid. She plays up and down our street with supervision. She walks to and from the bus stop by herself. She goes to the restroom by herself at restaurants. She is allowed out of our site in public. I usually have to dial back her freedom when we are with other kids because their moms are not as comfortable as I am with letting their kids roam.

All that being said   … here is what happened on Sunday that sort of freaked me out…

When we were in Titusville in that big old crowd of folks (and at a time when she was thankfully off somewhere with her father) there came a woman walking by with a 7-ish little girl. The girl had a pink DS open and tapping. And I guess because my three year old was still with me and I was clearly a mommy-type and we were camped out under the main flag pole, the little girl stopped and asked me, “Have you seen a little girl with a pink DS sitting under a flag pole?”

She got my immediate attention because anytime I hear the words “Have you seen a little girl …” in a crowd I immediately go into “OMG there’s a lost child” mode. Then I processed the last half of the sentence. Then looked up immediately to my left and then back down at her because WE were under the flag pole, and she was a little girl with a pink DS. I was confused. I said “I see you”

Then her mother clarified.. “No, she’s looking for a different little girl who says she is under a flag pole and has a pink DS”

Me – What do you mean?

Her – They chatted and she wants to find her

Me – They can communicate on those things?

Her – Yeah, within a short range they can find people and IM with them

Me – WHAAAA?

They left me standing there all slack jawed and moved on in search of the little girl with the pink DS sitting under a flag pole.

And I was all OMG OMG OMG

When I say my daughter plays with her DS and gets quickly bored and moves on, I’m not joking. She is more of a can-I-go-outside-and-ride-my-bike kind of gal. As a result her skill level with the darn thing is minimal and her knowledge (and previously mine) of what it’s capable of is thankfully limited.

Seriously!

Am I the only one that sees a problem with some perv sitting in a crowd of people electronically trolling for little girls with pink DSes? Seriously!

Would you, Do you, let your kids pick up messages from strangers? In crowds?

I came home and googled it and evidently the feature is called Pictochat and YOU CAN’T TURN IT OFF!! I looked it up on several DS forums and it seems to be a big concern from parents, especially those in urban areas where they are always in crowds, that there are no parental controls built into the Pictochat feature.

It claims it only works within 20 feet but most users seem to say it’s more like 100 feet. We were no where near where that woman had been sitting and whoever was luring the child over said they were under the flag pole so who knows where they really were. And even then the fact that it requires proximity seems almost worse to me. The perv knows they’re close… Just meet me behind that bush over there. Yeah that one… 

So how do you guys handle this? Is there a No Pictochatting in Public rule? How do you police who they are dealing with if they use it in public?

Space Shuttle Discovery STS-119

"Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?" – Clark Griswold

I’m sure every state has that really cool thing that you can do but it just never seems convenient to get around to. I’m sure there are people all over Arizona that haven’t made it to the Grand Canyon yet, and there have to be people in Minnesota who haven’t seen the Giant Ball of Twine yet.  Well in Florida that thing is watching the Space Shuttle launch. For 17 years I’ve lived within 2 or 3 hours of Cape Canaveral but never gone there for a launch. That’s not to say we haven’t seen it go up. Anyone who’s lived any amount of time on Florida’s east coast usually has a “Best Launch I ever saw” story” .. Heck I’ve got three or four because on a clear day/night the rocket is visible up and down the coast – but we’d never actually gone and watched it close up. And unlike the Grand Canyon or ball of twine there are only a finite number of launches left – after yesterday 7 in fact.

So when I got up yesterday and was sitting in my jammies savoring my “I have nothing to do today” Sunday and the internet told me NASA have given the all clear for a 7:43 PM launch you could here the record needle screetch – this was it, our perfect chance to go, we had no excuse not to. I woke up the Dr., dressed the kids, packed the car and off we went – 2 hours down the road to Titusville.

Space View Park in Titusville is the closest you can get without paying NASA a fortune ($50 each including kids) to bus you out on the causeway. This park is 12 miles directly across the Intercoastal from the launch pad. It’s actually closer and a better view than if you at NASA’s visitor’s center. It’s free, crowded, and a whole lot of fun! The local space enthusiasts have built a Space Walk of Fame and they create a festival atmosphere there with their vendor tents and information.

 

We got there about 2:15 – right as mercifully the afternoon sea breeze start to kick up. I don’t know what the temp was but without that wind it would have been damn hot. The girls did a great job of hanging out and playing. The Dr. bought them a set of Apollo 11 toys and it may be safe to say that yesterday a future astronaut was born.

Even the little one put down her Barbies for a little while and got into the fun.

Once she figured out that she was supposed to keep her eyes open those binoculars made a lot more sense to her. After hours and hours of just sitting around finally it was time for the big show!

Little One said “Look Mama they are making a Rainbow!” And at this point I realized I had been so excited that I had forgotten to zoom in with my big honking zoom lens!

 

I didn’t beat myself up for too long though because at least I remembered so I could get a shot of the solid fuel tank separation!

Because I got an uber education from all the enthusists there yesterday I can now explain to you that those are the smaller white tanks on the sides of the big orange one. They fall off first and are retrieved by ships. The big orange one comes off  next and it just gets burned up. Yeap I’m an expert.

 

 

 

 

 

Still one of the most spectacular parts was the sun set reflecting off the smoke/vapor trail. It turned it it a full spectrum of colors and made it glow in the twilight sky. Even after it got dark it was still a visible blue-ish cloud glowing in the night sky.

So here are the lessons we learned:

• Go as early as you possibly can – people start saving spots hours ahead of time we got that 6 hours prior to launch and it was probably 1/3 full.
• Bring Food and drinks! There are vendors but they only show up a couple of hours before the launch.
• Bring Chairs – you’re not going to want to sit on the ground the whole time and chairs seem to reserve more space for you than a blanket.
• Remember to zoom
• Don’t count on using your phone to access information. The cellular infrastructure of little Titusville is blown out of the water with all those people. Think DC on inauguration day.
• Bring lots and lots of sunscreen, there’s shade but not where you want to sit.
• Get ready to be blown away with the beauty of it.

For your viewing enjoyment

Today I’ll be working on taking pictures of the Christmas tree but for now please enjoy this video of the kids feeding a giraffe at the zoo.

Taking Back The Childs Birthday Party (or Kids Just Want To Have Fun)

Puddin’s has a poorly timed birthday. It’s in mid October right when we start getting down to serious holiday planning  and I get all kinds of aggrevated forking out hundreds of $$ for birthday when I know Christmas is right around the corner. It’s not her fault of course so I try to never skimp on the presents but this year I did take matters into my own hands a bit with the party… I’m done paying big $$ for kid birthday experience extravaganza party– DONE I tell you.

So you know what we did – we had a Pancake & Pajama Party.

We put together a simple invitation using Word, printed out copies at home inviting her friends to come over on Saturday morning at 8:45 in the pajamas to decorate pancakes and play Wii.

We had 16 kids over from 3 to 10 and they had a freaking blast.

They played Wii and not even the newest game we had but they chose to play good old standard baseball so the most number of people could play even the little ones – our kids are awesome!!

And I corralled a couple of laptops and put together a WebKinz station. The idea of logging into Webkinz right next to your friend. Freakin’ mindblowing…

Then we decorated pancakes with all kinds of fun stuff like fruit and M&Ms

Then headed outside for presents

  

And then they played on the yard… you know like we used to do… for an hour!

It didn’t take $100s of dollars or a donated organ or heck even a decorated cake to create a party that the kids enjoyed. We got them together and let them play with games/activities that we already had – and they had fun just being together in a big group.

And they all thought it was extra fun because they were in their pajamas. Because they are kids!!! They make their own fun. We parents need to try and remember that sometimes I think.

Best Birthday Present Puddin Received

Here’s a little tip for you If you’re shopping for holiday presents for a 7 year old. Puddin’ received this version of Hasbro’s Guess Who for her birthday and we’ve been playing it non-stop for days.

I don’t think she even remembers I bough her a Nintendo DS. All she wants to do is play this game. And the beauty of it… she can play it with other children. It does not require adult participation  Yeah!!!

It reminds me of Battleship but instead of guessing a location on a grid your guessing the character they chose on their side by asking questions like “Does your person have brown eyes?”  If the answer is no you can use the little door to cover up all brown eyed people and by process of elimination guess who the other person choose.

Hours Hours the kids have been playing this game!!!

This version folds up into a traveling case and has fancy red and green buttons that you push for yes and no that light up and have sound effects so I think that is part of the fascination. I think there are less fancy versions of the game so I’m not sure without the bells and whistles they would like it so much.

This is a perfect gift for a gift exchange where you didn’t know gender. We’ve had everyone from 5 to 10 year olds playing it. I’ll definitely be getting one to throw in our Angel Tree bag this year.

Just Like Her

Last night when Barack Obama was mentioned at the dinner table, Puddin jumped up and announced a new little nugget she had learned yesterday, “There’s going to be a little 7 year-old-girl, JUST LIKE ME, living in the White House now!”

Just like me.

I smiled and said, “Yes, she’s going to live there with her older sister and they are going to have a lot of fun. They are going to get a puppy.”

A Puppy! The subject quickly turned to puppies but my heart was still racing a little at that statement.

Just like me.

That one sentence, innocent and simple said so much.

Made me proud of her, proud of myself as a mother, as her mother.

My own mother and I recently had a disagreement discussion about “The Way I Was Raised,” in regards to racism and I realized maybe for the first time just how far off our realities were on the topic. To set the stage - I was born in 1967 in Atlanta - SW Atlanta - which at that point was rapidly turning from working class white neighborhood to black. It was the beginning of what was then called The Great White Flight, as family after family sold their house and moved to the suburbs. We moved in 1970.

I was just three and I was excited to be moving to a great big house, 3 times bigger than the one we were leaving that was closer to my grandparents and the country club pool. But even at three I was not unaware of the things that I heard the adults whispering about. This move wasn’t just about a bigger house and golf and easy-grandparent-babysitting. It was about safety and security. I heard the hushed references to things “going black .. getting worse.” The older people, my grandparents and great-grandparents still used the termed “colored” but I wasn’t supposed to. “Granny is old and stuck in her ways but it isn’t polite” - anymore. (Notice I didn’t say “wrong” I wasn’t taught that it was wrong)

But because it was the late 60s, and Atlantians considered themselves much more metropolitan and progressive and enlightened and educated than the rest of The South it was never, ever, said out loud. Always whispered. This wasn’t Alabama or Mississippi, we aren’t like that. There was no overt outright racism being taught to us, just a silent quiet kind.

The children like myself were taught to be kind and polite towards people whose skin did not match ours... but we were not allowed to play with them or know them. Wait, I take that back, it’s not that we weren’t allowed – we were never given the opportunity.

We were taught, purposefully or not, silent racism. If you’re somewhere like the playground and a lot of “those people” start showing up – don’t complain, just leave. Don’t mix, don’t get to know them. Just quietly and politely remember that you have something else to do. When Mom says you need to go, don’t argue, just obey. The message was clear even if it was never spoken aloud.

So what I learned was this – I am different than them, and I should be nice but not get too close. Don’t seek to understand or relate. Be polite and kind at all times but never forget I am different. Better.

Yes, Better. Never said out loud but always there underneath, unsaid - better. Too good to live in this neighborhood anymore - We’re moving. It’s just a happy accident that everyone in the new place is white.

My elementary school had one black child. He went to school with us because his mother was our bus driver. He was in my grade, my age, but he was not just like me. Never jus like me.

Fast forward a generation later and this is one of those things that I list on the things “To Do Differently Than My Parents”

Do not teach unspoken racism.

My mother swears she never did it. Never implied those sorts of things. Her memory is selective, on this topic and a number of others. But she also doesn’t understand today why I give her a look when she talks about not going to Wal-Mart on Sunday mornings – because that’s when all the Mexicans go. I shake my head and ask her not to talk like that in front of the girls. If I think they heard, I say out loud, “It’s wrong.”

As a parent I had to come to terms with the fact that this tendency is in me too. It was ingrained in me at a young age and will always be a part of my upbringing and who I am. I look at a person of color and I see their color. And I automatically think of leaving. But I am a grown up now , and as an adult, I now know that the polite thing to do is not to excuse myself - even if it is automatic instinct. The right thing to do is stay.

I require myself to stay, to talk, to engage, and get to know. To form bonds and friendships. To be open and to love. It is what I want my children to see me doing. The example I seek to set for them. I see it is my obligation as a parent but in truth it makes my life so much richer than it’s ever been. So much more interesting.

A year or so ago Puddin’ was telling me a story of a classmate from school and I was confused about who the story was about. When she started to clarify for me who she was talking about by referring to the seating arrangement in class I realized quickly that she was talking about a African-American child who sat across from her but I didn’t let on that I knew who she meant. I pressed her for a physical description to see what it would be. “What does she look like?” I asked holding my breath. The answer, “She’s tall you know… The girl who lost her front teeth already Mom!”

It makes my heart swell with pride to know that Puddin’ looks at Sasha Obama and all she sees is a 7 year-old-girl, just like her. Just like her.

Just like her except that whole White House thing … oh and the Puppy, the Puppy…. Why oh why did I ever mention the Puppy to her?