Breaking The Dress Code

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Blog Stalking: The @misszoot Version

You know that whole thing where you read someone’s blog for so long that you start to think of them as a friend.. even if they wouldn’t know you from preverbal Adam were you to walk and give them your most awkward hug…

So on Saturday, after dropping Puddin off at the skating rink for a birthday party (all the rage with the 8 yo crowd right now much to my amusement)  I spotted this flyer by the door and my immediate thought was –

Oh Man I have to tell Miss Zoot about that – she’d be all over it. 

Then immediately following was ..

Sure dork, if she didn’t live 700 miles away and had any inkling of who you were, hello reality calling..

Not to be outdone the crazy side retorted..

Well Yeah but other than that we’d totally dress up like Bella and Alice and go New Moon Skating together.. she’d totally be into it.

 

25 things that will happen when your iphone battery dies, and evidently IT. WILL. DIE.

1. Your iPhone battery will die. It will get really really hot even though it’s not in use and it will die. It will not hold a charge and it will only pretend to charge on a wall outlet after 12 hours. Then it will laugh at you and die again. This will happen on the first day of your three day weekend get-away (This last part is not Apple’s fault – that belongs the forces that also control toddler ear infections)

2. You will arrive home and first thing Monday morning head out to AT&T Wireless because they are closer and you naively think they will care.

3. You will be lectured about how you are causing the drain yourself with all your fancy smartphone usage by the idiot boy in the AT&T wireless store despite never doing anything different than you ever have. When you loose patience with him, he will inform you it is not his problem anyway since Apple handles warranty problems/work/issues.

4. You will think, thank goodness they finally opened one Apple store in my town-that-is-big-enough-to-host-a-Superbowl last year and drive across town thinking at 11:00 AM on a random summer Monday this isn’t going to be a big deal.

5. You will arrive at said store and learn that:

A. Every going-off-to-college freshman in this not-so-small-town is there at that store that morning with their parents – both of them, and their younger siblings.

B. There is something called a “Genius Bar” and they handle broken equipment on an appointment basis only. You will also learn that despite their advertising Apple computers must break a lot because there are people lined up 10 deep clutching their Mac Books to their chests, eyes glazed over,  waiting to be seen

6. You will not like it but you will make an appointment for 3:00 the next day.

7. You will come back the next day (15 minutes early like you were instructed) “sign in” and wait an 45 minutes to be seen. The sad laptop clutching people are less numbered that day but still there in shocking mass.

8. A nice enough “Genius” will listen to you, nod, say THEY’VE BEEN HEARING THIS ALOT LATELY  - push a few buttons, plug it in, go in the back and hang out with his friends for 10 minutes. Come back push a few buttons and say “Look it’s charging now! The battery just needed to be reset.”  Then he’ll think again and say .. “But in case that doesn’t work .. call the 800 line at this number and tell them I said to walk you though these two steps,(writes them on the back of his card) that should work. But if it doesn’t come back and we’ll replace it.”

The time he actually spent with you will be less than 3 minutes.

9. You will go home and realize that during the 30 minutes drive back home – the battery has completely drained.

10. You will do as you’re told and call the 800 number – be told you don’t qualify for phone support. Rant. Rant again. Read verbatim off the back of the card you were given by the boy. Try not to laugh when the person of the phone responds:

“The Genius didn’t know what he was talking about”

You will wonder when he doesn’t laugh if they realize how funny that is when they say it.

You will be very thankful when phone person says they will send you a new phone to arrive tomorrow,

11. You will receive new phone next day (Wednesday).. You will be excited when the box comes. Think nice thoughts about helpful phone person and maybe think you need to give Apple a break. Open box, find it to be empty - except for the box you’re supposed to send your phone back in. Re-think nice thoughts and decide Apple officially sucks.

12. You will call phone people. Be told you don’t qualify for phone support. Rant. Rant some more. Refuse to part ways with your current phone that at least works when it’s tethered to the computer. Be told you can get a new phone if they are allowed to charge your credit card $400 (to be credited upon receipt of old phone) and you will also pay $30 for the shipping.

13. You will Rant

14. You will be told you can go back to the store – in fact be told they will even be so helpful as to make an appointment for you over the system -  At 4:00 on FRIDAY!

15. You will get in car and drive to Apple store.

16. You will explain to your 7 year old that had to come with you:

A. Mommy is going to yell at people and it has nothing to do with her.

B. She is for once in her life allowed to TOUCH AS MUCH SHE WANTS in that store

17. You will wait in line as woman in front of you – who has no appoint – explains she has started having exactly the same problem.

18. You will start ranting crazy stuff at the innocent name-taking person and demand to be seen – ramble endlessly about the poor service you’ve received and point wildly at Genius boy who didn’t help the day before. Be told you’ll be seen in the next 30-45 minutes.

19. You will wait over an hour

20. You will hunt down lady in front of you and warn her DO NOT LEAVE THIS STORE WITHOUT A NEW PHONE!

21. You will watch the Genius boy-who-didn’t-really-help-you, who you now hate, avoids you as he walks though the store stacks of pizza and shouts excitedly how it’s his last day.

22. You will finally be seen by another Genius who starts to question you and then sees the case notes in the computer and thinks better of it. He will (GOD BLESS HIM) replace your phone. He will advise you that “you might want to only sync the phone not restore your backup as that might re-install whatever is causing the battery to have a problem  and the only thing you loose that way is your previous text messages anyway.” You will thank him for his sage advice.

23. You will go home and find him to be dead wrong. Syncing doesn’t get any of your stuff back. Remember that you’ve been warned by Apple themselves that “The Genius didn’t know what he was talking about.” You’ll do a restore anyway. You’ll call AT&T Wireless for advice on restoring the phone, be unknowingly transferred for Apple, be told you don’t qualify for phone support. You’ll give up.

24. You’ll find the answers on the internet. You’ll find information on how to do a complete data wipe and start from scratch restoring and find that it works perfectly. Internet trumps Genius.

25. The people who run advertising on your blog will complain that you haven’t written anything new in over a week and you’ll hope this explains why.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Blog Today

I have had this blog since about 2003 – the entries don’t date back that far thanks to a powerful mood swing that included too much wine and over zealous use of the delete key. But it’s been here, puttering along getting almost no notice. And that’s cool. Really. It is.

I am not a brand. This is a hobby, not a source of revenue. I don’t get product review offers. I don’t do product reviews (unless of course your product involves the word Nikon or Vivian Tam Netbook in which case I stand ready to be your product placement pushing whore). I don’t go to conferences and have rarely met other bloggers in person. Not that I don’t want to meet anyone it’s just there’s not a lot of time in my schedule to do that sort of thing right now. Maybe one day.

So there, that’s my state-of-the-blog statement.

Lately there’s been a lot of argument talk about the state of blogging – it seems to be tied up in the labeling of bloggers but mostly it seems to really be about the content. I’ve occasionally left comments here and there about how I could care less about the label, I just miss having good stories – and want to stop being sold to at every turn.

So there, that’s my state-of-the-blogosphere statement.

So of course you know what happens next right….

For the first time in 7 years, in a span of 3 days, I’ve received 2 offers to review something. LOL. Never got a single one before and all of sudden two in one week! I can’t help but wonder if it has something to do with those comments. Are they combing them trying to find new people to push products? How is it suddenly out of no where these sorts of things are coming my way? It’s not the blog because it’s been in sad shape of late.

I have to say both were very nice, polite, respectful offers. Not the crap you hear about some people getting addressed to Dear Blog.

One is for a product we already own, and I have to admit has not been that popular. I know other families who have loved this product and I bought it based on personal recommendations of people I trust – it just hasn’t been great for us. In fact I tried it again today to see if things have changed. Not. But I know for a fact that two doors down it’s a smash hit.

The second was for something I’ve never heard of but am intrigued by because it’s supposed to fix a problem I definitely have.Something I’ve been trying to find a solution for.

So here I stand on the top of a pile of comments and principles – looking down at the slippery slope. Like a future crack addict I tell myself – you could just do one time. One time won’t hurt.

Honestly I’d feel bad doing the first because I know too much about it and how it hasn’t worked for us. It just would not be right.

The second though… she’s a temptation that I haven’t said no to, yet. I rationalize that I could use it as an example for why not to do reviews when it has little to no impact on the blog (which it won’t I’m sure) (Great Movie Quote,: The Big Chill - Michael played by the recently undead Jeff Goldbloom: Rationalizations are more important than sex. Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization?)

So the 7 of you who read this blog, what do you think? High minded road less taken principles? Or just a quick toke of the latest doob being passed around in hopes that nothing happens?

When I grow up I want to be Bossy

One of my favorite bloggers is Bossy. Melizzard wants to be Bossy when she grows up, where “grows up” means that she gets to a point in her life where her kids are older and she kind of has a life again.

Bossy blogs her life, which is sometimes about kids and sometimes not, and Melizzard enjoys Bossy’s life a lot.

Melizzard really really looks forward to a time in her life when she can look at her children and know that she worked hard and they are great people but at the same time her life is full enough that she’s not living vicariously through them. That, Sister Mercy, her life is so full and interesting that’s its peppered with hundreds of Little Known Facts.

Melizzard also likes referring to herself in the third person and admires Bossy’s spunk in just owning that one. Melizzard wonders if she will every “embrace the curl” because the Chi Flat iron is still her best friend.

Melizzard wants to grow up to have the kind of friends who will come over for a dress up mystery party. Melizzard wants to learn to cook artichokes. Melizzard is jealous of the fact that even the snakes in Bossy’s porch are more beautiful than the ones on hers –of which there are no pictures because finding a snake on Melizzard’s porch generally requires that it  immediately be decapitated and thus freed from it’s poisonous ways and then who really wants to take pictures of that anyway. We do however get an occasional stray turtle who has lost it’s way from the pond across the street so Melizzard’s got that one over Bossy.  Melizzard does not want to own a great dane.

Melizzard hopes that one day Bossy will embark on yet another Excellent Road Trip and that this time she will get to meet her as she rushes through.

A Camera of One’s Own

Since I purchased my first digital camera in 1999 I’ve taken over 20,000 pictures. My oldest child is in over 8,500 of those pictures. I know this because Flickr keeps count for me.

Her very first moments on this earth.

Every major baby milestone.

First day of school.

Moments of rest.

You name it, I’ve got it “on film.”  Her whole life in pictures. Her story told in the captures of moments in time.

Except that there’s starting to be a problem. She’s growing up. She’s walking away.

This is a good thing, I know that. I encourage it! I’m the one yelling “YES” at the radio when Ayelet Waldman told Terri Gross. “I’m terrified by the idea of a world governed by these people who’ve never had to govern themselves”, when talking about over-parented children who never do anything or go anywhere without adult supervision. I believe in Free Range Children

I believe it is essential to her development, her character and her independence that she go away, without me, and learn about her world – that she explores, and imagines, and learns to get along – with me.

My problem is this: There are starting to be holes in the story. Un-illustrated pages in the book of her life. Because I’m not there (and I shouldn’t be) to take a picture of it.

I want to put on a trench coat and sneak behind her jumping behind trees and bushes like some kind of crazy cartoon spy. Not because I don’t trust her or I’m worried. But because I want to take pictures!!

We went on vacation last week to our annual Not-Blogher trip to the mountains. It was perfect but I have so many pictures like this now.

“Bye Honey! Enjoy the creek! Come back by dinner time”

… take the camera…. I think inside my head knowing I’d never let her take my Nikon with her.

I mean I trust her with her own safety and all .. but not the safety of The Precious!!! Let’s get real.

So I’m not sure what there is left to do but maybe this…

A camera of her own.

I’m getting jazzed about this idea. A camera of her own. Nothing too expensive. This one is cheaper than her DS. It’s got good ratings. Seems easy to use.

Then she can bring me pictures and I can see what happens after the screen door slaps shut. I can fill in the gaps that are naturally a part of her growing up. She can look back and remember the first time she did this or that without me. And smile. And hopefully be happy she has a Mama who believed in documenting AND in letting go.

A camera of one’s own .. to make both mother and daughter happy and healthy .. cheers to  you Virginia Wolf, your lessons hold true even in a digital age.

His Lovely Wife

Once or twice a year I am called upon to assume the role of His Lovely Wife. I do not resent this, after all he has on more than one occasion donned the mantel of Her Charming Husband.  But these days as the doctor’s wife I’m the one that more often is just along as the arm candy.

One of the benefits of these nights is that they generally come with free booze and a breath taking view. There is no view in Jacksonville that compares to that which you get from The River Club downtown. My sad iphone photos do not do it justice.

 

Perfectly Put

Today’s Story of the Day from Story People perfectly describes how I’ve been feeling lately. I don’t know exactly what shoe I’m waiting for to drop but I can feel it out there somewhere.

Leaning out as far as she can, hoping she'll fall soon, so she can stop worrying about whether it will happen or not.

Softball Mom

As a young child, I was never involved in team sports. I ran track later in life but never played softball or soccer or any of the other league sports as a kid. It was never presented as an option. What I understand now, years later is that my older brother had many years before and my parents just weren’t interested in doing it anymore.

As a parent now I’m torn on this front as well. My oldest loves sports and we make sure she gets to play. We sign her up and take her to practices, we never miss a game. She loves it and fully support her passion.

But man do the other parents make it hard. Especially softball. Basketball we did through a church league and that was okay. No inner snarkiness amongst the parents. But softball man that one is getting to me.

We switched leagues this year because we didn’t like the league we started out in. Way to competitive. I don’t need a grown man yelling viciously at my child when she’s trying her best.  So we changed to one that when we played them seemed to have good coaches, one we had heard good things about.

I’m not the world’s most outgoing person. Who amongst us that prefers sitting behind a computer is. But I decided for Puddin’s sake I’d jump in with both feet and do my best to be a social creature, a softball mom. I don’t know if I’m just not good at it or if it’s just a click that I can’t seem to understand – but man every day I sit in those stands it stresses me out.

This group of AB (advanced skill) moms only talk to each other and that group of lesser skilled player’s moms all sit around and fuss about the coaching – and then there’s the moms who just don’t talk to anyone. Everyone is terribly polite to everyone else but there is such tension.

I volunteered to be the Team Mom and there’s the strange vibe with the coach’s wife – she only want me to handle the parts she doesn’t want to do herself.

I think I’m supposed to organize a team party for the end of the season and no one really seems to want to do anything.

I’m crazy I guess for thinking that it should just be a group of parents happy to be watching their little girls having a good time.

I’m lost.

I don’t know what to do. Or if I’m doing it wrong.

This seems harder than it needs to be. Harder than it should be.

Please excuse this rambling mess….

There is something that I don’t remember about myself very often. Fortunately I don’t have to. I’m the person you want beside you in a crisis. I don’t mean an every day run of the mill crisis (although I’m alright in those too) I mean the god awful kind where people are hurt or dying.

I learned this about myself for the first time at 17 when my sister-in-law was in a terrible accident. It happened as she was turning into her workplace and her employer called my house knowing we lived only about 1.5 miles away. My mother (a trained EMT) fell to pieces. Freaked Out. I took her keys, I drove us there, I kept my mother from jumping out of the moving car when she saw my SIL’s small pickup truck in the ditch embedded into a wall of trees with the bed wrapped up over the cab. I remained calm, I talked to people, I determined it was going to be fine (miracle!) and I was the rock to my mother’s crazy.  But when I left there and went on to school and walked into the last minutes of my homeroom .. something unexpected happened. Suddenly and without warning I fell apart, crying and gulping. All that plugged up fear and stress – blame out it came.

I am also a person who will cry at every single hallmark commercial ever. I cannot watch someone on TV cry for any reason without crying with them. The college kid who surprises his family on Christmas morning by sneaking home and making coffee get me every time.  My husband laughs at me regularly for this. It doesn’t seem to play correctly against my real life abilities to deal with these moments.

And yet this reaction to real life drama, this rhythm has repeated itself enough to be predictable. I am the person who asks the right questions, handles logistics, contacts the necessary people. I’m the person who makes arrangements and who doesn’t forget to put glasses and underwear in the clothes bag for the funeral home. I’m the person afterwards who gets handed personal effects because I won’t forget to ask for them.

But I am also the person who, when everyone one else is starting to smile again, leaves and goes and sits in a stream of boiling hot water on the floor of the shower and quietly looses her shit.

I was surprisingly reminded of this all yesterday from an unexpected place.

Last week when we – the internet – found out about sweet Maddie’s death we were shocked. I was so sad for her mother, a woman I only know through reading her blog. I was definitely thrown by the awfulness of losing a child but I did not cry. At the time I didn’t think much of it. After all, I didn’t really know them, only read the blog.  I donated, I posted March of Dimes widgets, I turned things purple, I twittered @realhughjackman. I did things. But I did not cry. Until last night.

Last night I sat down for the first time in a couple of days to read blogs and I found the recent posts, the taking home of the urn.  And sitting in my living room I started crying big hot tears for that little girl and for the mother in that back seat and for the man who had to drive them home. For the strength it took those two people to do that. For a split second I did what all mother’s do.. try to imagine yourself doing it and instantly , instinctually, reject the thought. But still have a flash of what it must have taken, what it must have cost them. To read what the Fat. Hot. Tears. Cried for those sweet people.

My husband walked in and looked at me and shook his head.. the TV was on, he assumed a commercial had gotten me. I didn’t correct him. I couldn’t find the words to explain it without sounding silly. A lady in California, who I don’t really know, lost a child, I read her blog… it just doesn’t give that moment justice. I was afraid I couldn’t explain properly that these were real tears, not silly ones, shed for people I really felt a connection to.

All of that brings me around to what I’m really trying to get at which is this…

It’s made me realize just how real reading someone’s blog can make them feel when they do a good job. I’ve been struggling of late on what this blog is to me. What I want it to be. Of late it’s been trivial and of little substance. Just posts to keep the ad ladies off my back. I’ve struggled to find the way to put myself out there the way Heather did (does) because I don’t feel like a writer and because on many levels I fear getting too real. Being truly open is not something I do well.  It makes me squirm.

But if the point of blogging is to connect with people – and for me I think it is. I’m not a brand, I am not selling things, I am not trying to make a living here. That BlogHer survey recently frustrated the hell out of me because I was all – where the damn option that just says I read blogs to hear a good story about someone’s life? The same reason I listen to Ira Glass, because I’m interested not because he’s selling something.

So I think that’s my answer. About this blog anyway. I’ve been bored with it because I’ve got to make the leap to really tell a story, to be real. To be more me. I’m sorry I took the long way around to that. It’s just been running around in my head and I got it out there. I’m not going to edit it. Sorry for the ramble but I hope that it’s first of many posts where I learn to really say what I’m thinking. Maybe I’ll get better at it.