Warning Crazy Parent Post but I need your advice....
Yesterday we received our “teacher card” in the mail letting us know who Puddin’s new first grade teacher will be. Tomorrow is orientation. Today I am having the freak-out that I’ve been postponing all summer.
Here it goes… Internet I need your help, advice, or smack in the head. Especially if you are or have been an elementary school teacher. Here’s the deal and I’m going to try and lay this out with as much perspective as I can.
So that you don’t think I’m one of those mom’s who thinks her kid is perfect - Puddin is:
· “spirited”
· She’s high maintenance
· She craves attention
· She’s too busy talking to listen
· She’s easily distracted
· She becomes easily hurt or embarrassed and re-acts by withdrawing
· She gives up easily
All that being said she’s generally a bright sunny kid who is sweet and helpful and prior to last year had been a teacher’s favorite in Pre-K and pre-school. She’s always had many friends and been a leader in her classroom (she’s been in daycare/preschool her whole life).
Last year we walked into kindergarten orientation to find we had a teacher who was teaching K at this school for the first time. She had taught 5th grade the year before and this was her 2nd year at this school. Prior to that she had taught K for 20+ years in a different, smaller school district.
She was a bit un-organized and unprepared (we didn’t have all the right forms, she didn’t have the lunch money info etc..). She spent the hour of orientation talking about her class discipline system. When other parents had specific questions about the academic curriculum she could not answer them (“I don’t know what we’re doing for that yet” ) or blew off the question. This didn’t leave a good impression on me but I tried to make allowances for the “new” factor.
The one thing she did make clear was that she did not like “teacher’s pets” – actually said this in her speech which was all about how she liked to run her classroom. I knew right then we were going to have issues. Pud is the classic “kiss up”, she lives for approval. She will do great things, participate, and be helpful and kind when she’s feeling loved. She will withdraw and sulk when she’s feeling rejected.
Puddin’ immediately started coming home with “Yellow” behavior reports. When asked why we would hear things like. “I sat on my knees at circle time, instead of with my legs crossed” or “ I was too loud on the playground.” What???? Seriously?
I called for a conference. I received a voice mail back saying she didn’t do “in person” conferences but would meet with me on the phone. I insisted and got my way. She confirmed that the reasons I was being told at home were correct and those were just her rules. When I asked how Puddin was doing with her class work all I got was “fine but needs to focus more” but no detail. She acted like I was bothering her and was pissed she had to stay late to talk to me. I was too blown away to respond to her. I was also new to this whole parent/teacher deal and wondered if somehow I was to blame.
Things progressed the same throughout the year. Puddin’s outgoing behavior would get her punished she would retreat and not want to do her school work. The teacher remained un-communicative except to send notes home saying she wouldn’t finish her work – which only happened after the two had butted heads about something else. I feared pushing the situation because I didn’t want to make my daughter’s school life harder. At home we walked the thin line of telling Pudd she had to mind the teacher and basically putting no credence to the information coming home.
It was clear she had labeled Puddin as troublesome. Most of the year she was put at a table with two other boys who were generally on “red” by the end of the day. But by the end of the year she had put her at table by herself. Pud actually liked this because she didn’t like being with the boys and felt they got her in trouble or that she got blamed for things they did. I was livid.
Because the other part of the story that I heard was that none of the girls would play with her at playtime. “None of them like me” I would hear.
This is a kid that has been surrounded by a circle of friends (boys and girls) since she was an infant. She’s always made friends easily. She’s outgoing and funny. Kids like her. This teacher basically made her “that” kid who sits alone.
My requests to discuss this situation with the teacher went unanswered.
Anyway…. Enough of the past. We’re done with that.
Today's Problem Is:
But I’m worried that her teacher will pass on her poor impression of Pud to this year’s teacher and Puddin will start the year with these negative remarks labeling her before she even gets started.
Sooo finally getting to my point: What is the best approach this year?
· Do I bring all this up the 1st grade teacher right off the bat? (for all I know they like each other as colleagues and I’ll be bashing her friend)
· Don’t bring up last year but be super vigilant over involved parent this year for no apparent reason ( might come off like crazy person)
· Ignore the whole thing – it’s in the past? (head in the sand parent again)
· Got any other ideas or input????
