I've had this post floating around in my head for the last couple of weeks. Every time I was out at night and saw Christmas lights I thought about it. It's probably the reason I haven't posted much recently, because it's the kind of post you're driven to write about but not really enjoy. But something happened today that pushed me to do it so here it is. It's about my friend Roger.
Roger and I met 20 years ago back in college. He and I worked on the Glom together, he a photography editor, me a section editor. During those 2 or 3 years we spent a lot of time together and a friendship formed that outlasted our time at Auburn. After graduation if I was Atlanta we'd try and meet for dinner, or if business brought him to south Florida we'd do the same. I went to his wedding when he married his college sweetheart, he came to mine almost 10 years later when I married I guy that I had considered a jerk in college.
In the 10 years after that we saw each other much less frequently as both of our lives grew more full. The Dr. and I went off and did the whole med school thing hopping around the world. Roger started his own company, had 3 kids and adopted 2 more.
Our communication became the sort of periodic emails you get from people that you can't seem to keep up with but don't want to let go of. Updates on the state of the family, business, etc... that sort of thing. Then about five years ago there came an email saying he had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. I'll never forget reading that email. Being the sort of person who tries to approach the world with humor he said he awoken one morning to find his wife standing beside their bed. She told him that he had just had a seizure and that they needed to go the emergency room. He said he didn't remember having a seizure but considering that she could generally be depended upon as a reliable source of information for that sort of thing, he decided to believe her and go with it. Even in delivering such awful news, he made me laugh. Of course there were hospitalizations and surgeries but as they came through it things looked fairly good. Life got as back to normal as life gets after that sort of thing.
Last year about this time I got an email from him with a link to their family website www.rsingletary.com Telling how he had seen this beer commercial where Christmas lights were programmed to music and it had inspired him to try it out for himself. (Did I mention he was a techno wiz and is pretty much responsible for planting the seeds of my interest in all things computer) He had programmed a light show on his family home and posted video of all the songs on the website. It was amazing to behold even across the internet.
I didn't hear from him for a while after that but that was not unusual. Then in late Feb/early March I got a phone call from a friend of ours. Roger's tumor had returned and it was bad. He passed away shortly after Easter. My heart ached for his wonderful family. The wife who had loved him so since those days back at Auburn, their 5 beautiful children.
In the past year I have been surprised at how much I felt his loss. We had truly just become an occasional blip on each other's radar. There only periodically for a few moments and then gone again until the next email update went out. But I've come to realize that he is really the first "old friend" I've lost. Not tied to me through blood or marriage or any other type of obligation but through admiration, respect, and a genuine fondness. He was one of the first people to teach me about kindness. A lesson I struggle with daily. The world is just a sadder place without him in it.
To say say that Roger's network of friends was far reaching is an understatement and I know that each of us misses him in our own way. His wife, who is herself an amazing woman, has given of herself so courageously by keeping us posted on how they are doing. There needs to be an award for women like her somewhere.
His family has been so much in my thoughts this holiday season, from the day I put up my lights on our home this year they've been on my mind daily. I've worried for the children and how the idea of holiday lights, something he had created such a passion around last year on their last Christmas together would make them feel. Did something that had brought them all such joy just 12 months ago now burden them?
I must not have been the only one thinking these things because today there was an update about the lights. The church they attended in Conyers, GA asked if light show could be displayed there. A team of volunteers assembled it and it is playing every night from 6-9 through Dec 28. The kids ask to drive by and see it if they are out at night and close by. How amazing, the kids have the light show to see and remember their dad by but still can maintain some privacy and security during this delicate holiday season. Such a perfect and elegant solution. You just know Roger came up with that idea in heaven and whispered it in all the right ears.
So if you live in the Atlanta area, drive by Ebenezer United Methodist in Conyers and check it out The Gift of Lights. Enjoy the beauty of Roger's creation the memories it represents. If you live somewhere else, visit his website and scroll down to see the videos of the songs he programmed. Know that it was created by an amazing person that touched so many lives during his short time here. I know that there are so many people holding his family up in prayer this Christmas but please join us in thinking of them too. Pray that they find some peace and solace in this holiday season. God bless you Roger.
